Math = Death

Well it's February already, man how time flys. Well I have been all sorts of busy already this year. I am taking 3 classes, Math 1010 is one of them. I should be embarrassed to say this but oh well. This is the 3rd time I have had to take this class. Honestly Math is the bain of my existance, here is a little history of math and me for you.

We learned long division I forget what grade in grade school. I never got it. Just couldn't get it to click. But, I guessed or cheated so effectivly I wasn't failing but not really getting a good grade. I think it was 5th or 6th grade before any of my teachers noticed. It took my mom a week to figure out a way that I actually got it. I was never diagnosed with Dyslexia as a child, but figured out as an adult that had it or at least some form of it, still not officially diagnosed, just kind of put 2 and 2 together since I have a couple friends and a father who do have it, I could relate in a lot of ways. I guess maybe its not severe, I just have the hardest time with numbers, I flip them in my head, even when I was little and I was learning to write, my mom kept telling me I was writing my 5's backwards, I never got it I was writing them like I seen them. This was bad when I worked at a hotel and would send people to the wrong rooms cause I flipped the numbers... thats a whole other story.

Lets fast forward to Jr high, in 9th grade as everyone else is on the right track, I ended up in a lower math class, a pre class if you will. There were a few of us in there. I became close with a few of my very favorite high school friends there, including but not limited to Alicia, Troy and Randy. To this day these 3 still know me better than most. Maybe if I had paid as much attention to math as I did socializing in this class I'd be better at math, but I digress. As it stood I started high school off way behind in math.

As all my friends are entering advanced math classes I am about two years behind them. My sohpmore year I was in the "stupid" math class, this is what my wonderful teacher Mrs. Gummerson (yank yank) called this class. She was in the Space program, and taught like it too. She with out a doubt had to be the worst example of a teacher I have seen to this day. She could not believe she had been reduced to teaching a bunch of sophmores a lower level math class, how could this happen to her. Well guess what she hated the class she hated us. She gave us bogus homework assignements that took 10 mins and let us work in groups. She left the class alone almost the whole period, and that was the year I kicked ass at california speed. I was undefeated, thank you Troy.

Junior year I took sophmore math with a bunch of sophmores... good hell felt like an idiot. Then my senior year who should I happen to get for Math? None other than learn how I teach you the hard way or don't learn at all, Mrs. Gummerson. Yea I spent a lot of time after class in her class trying to get help and she would get flustered that she would show me the same way everytime and I just didn't get it, she never tried coming at it in a different way. I almost didn't graduate because of her class. I am pretty sure the only reason she passed me with a D mind you, was so she didn't have to teach me again.

When I started at SLCC, I guessed on every question on the pre test because I wanted to start at the lowest class. I needed the basics, since none of my teachers really took the time to show me them. I found I got straight A's right up until the first time I took 1010. The problem is they cram so much math into 4 months that by the time you figure out how to do something your on to something new, then since you didn't spend much time whn you take tests you've already forgotten it. That year was the begining of the end for me math wise. LOL. I was still going through my sinus issues, I had my second sinus surgery that semester and my doc usually had his office hours the same time as my math class. Well I missed too much math and was so far behind, I just couldn't make heads or tails.

I tried again last January, well without going in to too much detail, last January was hell for me. My world fell apart, and I couldn't focus on anything, I almost failed all my classes. But in the end Math was so time consuming going to class and feeling behind because it was a huge class and I just didn't understand some of it. That I finally decided in order to not fail all my classes I would have to just fail Math, it was too late to withdraw at this point. I was so far behind in my other classes and I didn't have time to catch up because of Math being so time consuming.

This brings me to now. People say Math online is too hard and if you are not good at math to not take it. I am not good at math, but sitting in a class room for 3 hours makes me anxious and I don't learn much anyways. I have found online is actually better for me. The program has a tab that will show you examples of the problem step by step and if you still just can't figure out what you did wrong there is a tab that says help me solve, then they give you a new example to try and see if you get it. I have been doing great on my homework and quizzes. Though it is so time consuming, and I am remembereing a lot from my previous two jaunts at math. The problem for me is and always will be tests. I go blank.. we learn so much in such a short period of time. when we take tests I completely forget processes. then I flip things around the sad part is I am so unconfident I second guess myself and I am usually right the first time. And I make stupid mistakes with negatives that just kill me. Math is so hard for me. I think it is funny that I love chemistry. What is chemistry? It is basically just math but with elements. I got a A- in Chemistry and I can't pass Math 1010, go figure. At any rate, I am really going to pass this semester. Even if I pass with a C I will still be happy to have it behind me. Well, I am off to do my Math homework.