WOW! Okay, so I missed last week. I have been so busy, and things have been so hard. Well we got some unpleasant news this week. Everything is going to change. Everyone always tells you when things change and something bad happens, that there is a reason for it and maybe it's a blessing. Of couse when you are in the midst of it, it's hard to think you will look back and see it as a blessing or a lesson to learn from. Most times I have found recently, that they are, but still you want to be realistic. So we will pray, and make the arrangments necessary, hope that we are smart about it, and that we will land on our feet. Again, only time will tell. It's frustrating and terifying not knowing what the future holds, but I have to have faith that we will get through this, if we stick together.
I'm feeling so much pressure as of late. I have so much homework, and it's hard cause I have so much that I am rushing through sometimes. I feel like I am not doing quality work, due to quantity. We are down a car, Chris sold his car. It was a good thing at the time. We have been paying down debt and bills and trying to only have basics. My car is almost paid off, only a couple more months. We were even looking at new cars and were pretty much ready to sign on the dotted line. We had figured our budget and worked out the details, then bad news struck. I am grateful we learned when we did though, instead of after we had a car payment to account for so I guess that in itself is a blessing. Again, I am super vague. So much has happened this year. I feel I am being tested so much. I feel as though at times I am barley hanging on, but I have to try and look at the big picture and think this too shall pass. We have amazing famliy and friends who, at our darkest hours this past year have been there to lend there support with a hug and a smile, or at times tears so you're not crying alone. I guess all in all I am so lucky to have the people in my life I do. I have learned a lot about true friendships this year, and I guess maybe I have taken for granted the people in my life, because I am learning the ones that are here now, truly are the biggest blessing of all.
Short rant, so I am disappointed in someone, well and myself for being stupid and beleiving they were actually a friend. I read a quote somone wrote just the other day and realized the truth in it. It said "someone who wants to be a part of your life, will truly make an effort to be in it." So true. Recently, I started talking to an "old friend". This person seems to always disappear from my life and reappear when they are in crisis. Yet when I am there I bare the burden alone. I used to be ok with this kind of friendship I guess, cause it has happened quite a few times. Well I reached out to try and be a good friend, checking in often with them, to remind them they are not alone, and letting them go on and on. because thats what friends do. They are there to listen when you are being obsessive and need to just talk things out. I know this cause I am the queen of obsessive and talking things out. I tried to share the burden, laughing and crying with them. They tell me that I am needed and a great friend, yet I find my phone not ringing and me doing all the work. Now that I am again in over my head in crisis mode, well guess who is all alone in it. I am tired of people who need you when they are down and out and when you hit bottom the scatter like cockroaches when someone turns on a light. I am tired of lip service. I will never need a lie. I know as I have aged, and not gracefully, that I haven't been the best friend. I know that I too have been self serving. But for the most part I have always been loyal. I have always tried to go the extra mile for those that are dear to me, to the point of doing all of the work and gettin taken advantage of. And along the way I have had to make hard desicions to let go of those who just kept taking and taking and stopped with the giving. One of which being my own father. Life is too short for me to do one sided. It hurts to much to think you give so much to someone and they can't give even an ounce back. especially when, with school, work, and my own life that is just in ruins and crisis most of the time, I try to be whole heartedly there.
Here is the queston I pose. Do I place to high of expectations? Seriously though? It seems there is a problem somewhere. I either am a magnet for use and abuse, or it would have to be me. The only thing I can think is that my expectatons of a friend is too high. Again, I know that I am blind to my own faults, to which I am sure I have many. But I think that though there are petty moments in friendships, for the most part true friendships, know that though neither is perfect, you fit perfectly together. I guess I try to be available for my friends no matter what. Call me crying I drop everything to rush to you or talk you down. I would do most anything in my power for those I hold dear, and though I am not perfect, and we all have our moments, in my heart I am truly loyal. Am I wrong to think there are people out there who are like me? who would do anything for thier friends? I am starting to feel hopeless.
Yea so that ended up being a longer rant. Sorry. But I guess on a brighter note, there will always be the very few friends you find in life who just get you. You can go forever without talking and its like the world has stopped and no time has passed when you speak again.. A great quote for this is "A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails -Anonymous" I think that pretty much says it all. At any rate I guess that is it for this week. I am hoping a praying we get through the bumps in the road right now. I guess that is all one can do. I can't control the outcome, and I hav eto try and remember that stressing gets me no where, so I need to take a really big breath and let the chips fall where they may. That whole letting go thing... still haven't quite mastered it yet. ;)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Mush...
Wow, been a crazy busy weekend and week. I have never done so much history in my life. I literally did Psychology homework all day friday, then history homework Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.. and barley finished after 10 last night. Man this semester so far is brutal. I have actually had to make myself a calendar this semester with a plan to keep myself on track. I plan to read for an hour each night, from one of the three classes depending on the due date and homework.
On a brighter note, I am taking a day off from homework this Saturday. We are going up to the Unitas with Minday, Alex, Echo, and I think Autumn, John and Landon. We are going to do family pictures. I think that will be a total blast, do some tin foil dinners hang out and take pics. I am having Mindy withdrawls, and need a fix, its been a couple weeks. GASP! Fall leaves should be changing in the Uintas and it will be a beautiful drive. I am excited. Need a break for a day or two, brain is turning to mush I fee like. I am starting to dream about my homework...never a good sign. LOL.
I got my new coolpix camera on Monday, my late birthday present. I LOVE it. I ordered the plum colored one. I am so excited to have a convienent camera. I love my Nikon Digital SLR don't get me wrong, but I feel as though I am carrying a photo booth around sometimes. This one fits so neatly and cute into my purse. It has video on it too, and I have already got a video of Louee chittering to himself. He is definatly unique. I am also excited that I got an amazing deal on photoshop and got a sale price of more than half off, because I already have elements. Because, well, lets face it there is no way I could ever buy that for full price, or even half price. It 's pricey. That should be arriving any day now, and I cannot wait to play with it. Just aren't enough hours in my day sometimes. LOL. Mindy should be a big help, she has elements too, and has taught herself some pretty cool tricks that she is showing me. Definatly a learning curve on photoshop.
The house is coming along. Chris got the basement painted, well the first coat anyways, and it looks absolutly amazing, he is doing a wonderful job. The color is perfect, it made our fireplace pop, and warmed up the room a lot. I am so excited to be done with painting and get everything all the way unpacked. We have nothing on our walls or sheleves, and have not decorated anywhere. The only rooms that are semi finished are my craft room, Chris's office, and the guest bathroom. We were going to have a yardsale once we moved, but decided to hold off until we finished everything inside, thinking I didn't want to get rid of something then find out I could have used it. This way its easier to weed out after.
Lately, I have been in contact with an old friend. It has been nice after many years to visit and chat. I have missed her a lot, and it is wierd how it has been almost 6 years and we picked up like we never missed a beat. I guess that's the thing with true friendships, you are still a part of each other even if you don't know it. So to this friend. "Hey Wedding singer... ooowwoooooooo!" :D
Fall is coming, and I couldn't be more excited. I love fall!! I love decorating in fall for Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas... Its all up hill from here. LOL. I am a nerd. I love baking around the fall and holidays. I love making yummy comfort foods that taste so good in the fall when it starts to get cooler, and now I get to make them in my very own kitchen. Can't wait! Well thought I would take a moment out of my hectic schedule and write.
On a brighter note, I am taking a day off from homework this Saturday. We are going up to the Unitas with Minday, Alex, Echo, and I think Autumn, John and Landon. We are going to do family pictures. I think that will be a total blast, do some tin foil dinners hang out and take pics. I am having Mindy withdrawls, and need a fix, its been a couple weeks. GASP! Fall leaves should be changing in the Uintas and it will be a beautiful drive. I am excited. Need a break for a day or two, brain is turning to mush I fee like. I am starting to dream about my homework...never a good sign. LOL.
I got my new coolpix camera on Monday, my late birthday present. I LOVE it. I ordered the plum colored one. I am so excited to have a convienent camera. I love my Nikon Digital SLR don't get me wrong, but I feel as though I am carrying a photo booth around sometimes. This one fits so neatly and cute into my purse. It has video on it too, and I have already got a video of Louee chittering to himself. He is definatly unique. I am also excited that I got an amazing deal on photoshop and got a sale price of more than half off, because I already have elements. Because, well, lets face it there is no way I could ever buy that for full price, or even half price. It 's pricey. That should be arriving any day now, and I cannot wait to play with it. Just aren't enough hours in my day sometimes. LOL. Mindy should be a big help, she has elements too, and has taught herself some pretty cool tricks that she is showing me. Definatly a learning curve on photoshop.
The house is coming along. Chris got the basement painted, well the first coat anyways, and it looks absolutly amazing, he is doing a wonderful job. The color is perfect, it made our fireplace pop, and warmed up the room a lot. I am so excited to be done with painting and get everything all the way unpacked. We have nothing on our walls or sheleves, and have not decorated anywhere. The only rooms that are semi finished are my craft room, Chris's office, and the guest bathroom. We were going to have a yardsale once we moved, but decided to hold off until we finished everything inside, thinking I didn't want to get rid of something then find out I could have used it. This way its easier to weed out after.
Lately, I have been in contact with an old friend. It has been nice after many years to visit and chat. I have missed her a lot, and it is wierd how it has been almost 6 years and we picked up like we never missed a beat. I guess that's the thing with true friendships, you are still a part of each other even if you don't know it. So to this friend. "Hey Wedding singer... ooowwoooooooo!" :D
Fall is coming, and I couldn't be more excited. I love fall!! I love decorating in fall for Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas... Its all up hill from here. LOL. I am a nerd. I love baking around the fall and holidays. I love making yummy comfort foods that taste so good in the fall when it starts to get cooler, and now I get to make them in my very own kitchen. Can't wait! Well thought I would take a moment out of my hectic schedule and write.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Happy Monday...er Tuesday... ah whatever
Well I had a great weekend this past weekend. Chris had four days off as well, so we went shopping on Friday, which was nice. We got some more things for the house, and just kinda shopped around. One thing we did get that is heavenly, yet makes gettng out of bed utterly impossible was a mattress pad, and new Jersey sheets. Sleeping has been a pleasure. I hung with one of the besties on Saturday, saw Going the Distance with Drew Barrymore. Super funny! I laughed until I was crying. Chris started painting the basement. Then we took it easy on Sunday and I did a lot of homework. Yesterday, we went to Park City. We originally were going to go to San Diego for Labor day and a chance to get away and spend some time alone, though finance wise it wasn't feasible. Then we had decided to stay in Park City for the weekend like our Honeymoon, yea again.. being a holiday weekend it was too expensive. So we settled for going up for a couple hours and hitting the outlets, and this Christmas shop that we get a family ornament from every year. It was nice, but soo super crowded up there.
Things have been better lately. Writting has been helping. Funny enough I always kept a journal, but the last few years I haven't been writing. What a difference it makes. When it comes to papers however, ugh! I have the worst writer's block. I use to write and would write poems, it would just flow and it was thereputic, but I have just been blocked. I used to be a great writer. I could BS anyting and write well. I think if you don't use it you lose it. Now I am in English this semester and the assignments should be easy, I have plenty of material to work with. Just can't seem to form the words. It's frustrating.
This is going to be a tough semester I think. I am already slammed in homework and barley making deadlines. Just so much to do, and so little time to do it. I am actually enjoying my English and Psychology classes. would enjoy it more if I could form words. I need to get ahead, so that way when I am in Vegas I do not have to worry about anything.
I cannot wait until Vegas. The besties and I planned a girls trip. It is so welcomed and needed after the year I have had. We are going to go to a few shows, and be tourist-y. I am especially excited to go see the Beatles Love show. I was bummed that Paul McCartney was in SLC and I could not afford to go. Tickets were ridiculously priced, though I bet worth every penny.
I am just kind of babbling here. Mindy and I made a pact that we would write on our blogs at least once a week to avoid going months, then having to catch up. I started in the middle and didn't catch up everything. I have just been in a slump. With everything that has gone on, I just decided I was going to use my blog for real stuff, not the fluffy we did this, this and this and it was fun stuff. Its been a nice outlet. The good thing about it is that, I so rarley write, that anyone I had given my addy to stopped reading. So it's been kinda nice to use it as my outlet.
Well, I am still trying to get http://acharmeddoityourself-er.blogspot.com/ up and going. I feel like there just are not enough hours in the day sometimes. I have so many projects that I have completed and so many I am working on. I just need to finish the coding on the other blog, trying to personalize it a bit.
Well at any rate, here is my blog for the week. I may blog more than once a week, but for now my goal is at least once... for having absolutly nothing to say I sure went on and on.
Things have been better lately. Writting has been helping. Funny enough I always kept a journal, but the last few years I haven't been writing. What a difference it makes. When it comes to papers however, ugh! I have the worst writer's block. I use to write and would write poems, it would just flow and it was thereputic, but I have just been blocked. I used to be a great writer. I could BS anyting and write well. I think if you don't use it you lose it. Now I am in English this semester and the assignments should be easy, I have plenty of material to work with. Just can't seem to form the words. It's frustrating.
This is going to be a tough semester I think. I am already slammed in homework and barley making deadlines. Just so much to do, and so little time to do it. I am actually enjoying my English and Psychology classes. would enjoy it more if I could form words. I need to get ahead, so that way when I am in Vegas I do not have to worry about anything.
I cannot wait until Vegas. The besties and I planned a girls trip. It is so welcomed and needed after the year I have had. We are going to go to a few shows, and be tourist-y. I am especially excited to go see the Beatles Love show. I was bummed that Paul McCartney was in SLC and I could not afford to go. Tickets were ridiculously priced, though I bet worth every penny.
I am just kind of babbling here. Mindy and I made a pact that we would write on our blogs at least once a week to avoid going months, then having to catch up. I started in the middle and didn't catch up everything. I have just been in a slump. With everything that has gone on, I just decided I was going to use my blog for real stuff, not the fluffy we did this, this and this and it was fun stuff. Its been a nice outlet. The good thing about it is that, I so rarley write, that anyone I had given my addy to stopped reading. So it's been kinda nice to use it as my outlet.
Well, I am still trying to get http://acharmeddoityourself-er.blogspot.com/ up and going. I feel like there just are not enough hours in the day sometimes. I have so many projects that I have completed and so many I am working on. I just need to finish the coding on the other blog, trying to personalize it a bit.
Well at any rate, here is my blog for the week. I may blog more than once a week, but for now my goal is at least once... for having absolutly nothing to say I sure went on and on.
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